where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize