I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
