Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
