Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
