I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
