No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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