Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
