it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
