your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
