She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
