K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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