somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
