Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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