i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I CAN MOONWALK!
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
