part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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