If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
