not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
