hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
