Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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