I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
