Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
