His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
