Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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