and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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