don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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