what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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