the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
