Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
