True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
