So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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