Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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