Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
