a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
