Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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