Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
