People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
