he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My ass is underappreciated
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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