A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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