You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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