somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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