I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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