can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
