Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
