I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
