i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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