If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
BRING THE BAGELS
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
