Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
