I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
