God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
false alarm. still invincible.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
