haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
