I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
