While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
