Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
