Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
